Perfectly chagrined.

I don’t have a lot to say right now because I have a horrific stomach flu. Y’all, my hair is falling out. And I have random bruises. All from dehydration. This is unpleasant. While I’ve got time, though, will one of you kindly explain to me why I cannot stop reading those execrable Twilight novels? I started just to see what everyone else was talking about, maybe point and laugh and mock the terrible writing, and now I… I can’t stop. What will happen to Bella! What will crazy stalker Edward do next!

Help me.

Apparently this is what happens when I try to join the zeitgeist, and I have to say that I’m a little disappointed in myself. I mean, all that fancy education down the drain, you know? I almost wonder if the books are causing my mystery illness, because seriously: THEY ARE SO BAD. They’re terrible! There’s lots of gazing upon someone’s beloved perfection, and the heroine is a total fucking idiot (and yet still manages to also be a total fucking cipher), and the entire series is based on the World’s Most Unhealthily Obsessive Relationship, and also I don’t think Stephenie Meyer knows words other than “chagrin” and “perfect,” and… oh my God. This is so sad.

Quick! What else can I talk about? Uh… I had a spectacular vomit yesterday! It was truly magnificent! Never in the history of the world has there been such a OH NOEZ! AN EVIL VAMPIRE IS AFTER BELLA FOR HER DELICIOUS FLORAL SCENT AGAIN? TO THE BATMOBILE RUN LASSIE, GET TIMMY HOW EVER WILL EDWARD SAVE HER?

(Send help.)


5 Responses to Perfectly chagrined.

  1. slightlyscruffy says:

    Sane Adult reporting for duty.

  2. Alicia says:

    Oh dear. Well, I seem to have inexplicably turned into a mother of a particularly obnoxious teenager without ever giving birth. Does that place me in the category of ‘responsible adult able to tackle all situations regardless of complexity’? If so, I’m here and ready to assist!

  3. panterazero says:

    I think you’ve lost the nurturing inner Buffy that you knew as a child, and you’re still searching for a surrogate. It won’t hurt you.

  4. StephanieKatherine says:

    Hey lady, Kip said that you said hi, so i’m saying hi back. How are you? It’s been

  5. touchyphiliac says:

    I hope you’re starting to feel better, dude.

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