Somebody smack me.


Today, I need to be smug. Today it is 84 degrees, sunny, with a gentle cooling breeze. I have completed the first half of my day’s work, and settled in with coffee, a bagel, and a cigarette. I have the rest of my day pleasantly mapped out — it includes picking a couple of gorgeous garden tomatoes, getting some more work done, and ordering some DVDs and books from Amazon.

There are flies in the ointment: My husband is going away in a couple of weeks to take his first-ever paid vacation. Well… that’s not entirely accurate. He has had paid vacations before, but they consisted of sitting at home, bored, because we could not afford to go anywhere or do anything. This year he’s going to a gaming convention in Albuquerque for three days, and it will be awesome for him, and it’ll even be okay for me. (See above, re: buying DVDs and books. I’m prepared and shit.)

Also, I have developed pulsatile tinnitus, and it’s just as irritating as it sounds. (How it sounds: whoosh WHOOSH whoosh WHOOSH whoosh WHOOSHWHOOSHWHOOSHWHOOSH!… Whoosh!) I’ve had it for about a month, but I only thought to Google “whooshing noise in ears” two days ago. I thought it would go away. I was, apparently, wrong. I am going to have to call the clinic, find out how much an appointment is for people on the low end of the sliding scale, and get it checked out. In the meantime, it is driving me batshit insane and I should probably give up caffeine and nicotine very, very annoying, and I hope the doctor finds an easily fixed cause.

So, yes. Flies in the ointment for sure, but the ointment itself is pretty awesome. (That metaphor? Kind of disturbing.) I feel like my life is under control for the first time in forever; I feel regulated. I feel as if it’s finally all right to enjoy things like coffee and bagels on a sunny day, like it’s no longer my duty to be always aware that rent is due! And the electricity bill is too high! And we’ve got to figure out how to get Connor’s fall clothes! And the living room needs new blinds! This stuff has been figured out. I can handle it, now, and I can take breaks — every day! — wherein I just kick back and focus on the good stuff. It makes for a boring blog, this crisis-less state of being, but it also makes for an awesome late summer.

The garden. The advent of fall. Onion bagels. The fancy-pants coffee maker I’ve had for months and barely used. New books. Fully paid, in-no-way-delinquent bills. I am one smug motherfucker right now.

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2 Responses to Somebody smack me.

  1. Chris says:

    Good for you! It is in my nature to worry and I find that if I don’t force myself to chill the hell out, I’ll go crazy. So you just go on with your smug self.

    And I must admit, I am jealous of your approaching autumn. Down here in Florida we don’t get fall. We get ungodly hot and humid until December and then all of a sudden there’s frost on the magnolias. I have visited fall, but never had one to call my own. *sigh* . . . . someday.

  2. Anne says:

    I have occasional pulsatile tinnitus – thanks pregnancy! It did start out constant and now it’s quite rare. Probably best to get your blood pressure checked. If it can’t be fixed, living with tinnitus (and by living with it, I mean not noticing it anymore) is all about not letting it stress you. Easier said than done when it’s a feeling and not just a sound, but relaxation helps and masking i.e. having other noise in the background, especially white or pink noise.

    (M has tinnitus, almost had a nervous breakdown, but has learned some excellent coping strategies – and now I love our white noise machine and have foregone my earplugs at night so my hearing doesn’t get more sensitive.)

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