It’s not you.

So, the CPA who was all gung-ho to hire me has not emailed me in almost a week. We have not finalized the contract, she has not let me know what she wants me to start on, there is a total communication breakdown. This makes two jobs in two weeks that have totally fallen through post-hiring, leading me to think that HA HA HA, maybe it’s me. As in, maybe I am doing something horrendously wrong, or perhaps my personality is off-putting, or… or I smell. I don’t know, but I am starting to get seriously worried, not that it’s edging into paranoia or anything because it’s TOTALLY NOT. Except at three in the morning when I am lying awake and freaking out about money. Then it’s paranoia! Yes indeed!

Hi. How are you?

Today is another day of resumé sending, just in case, and tomorrow will be another day of local job hunting. Just in case. We just did our grocery shopping for the month the next couple of weeks, and I am having my usual attendant “oh my goodness, everything has gotten SO EXPENSIVE” spazz attack. We have company coming in next week and OH MY GOD, HOW WILL I FEED THEM? I mean, it should be okay, except I don’t want to make my usual busy-mom-on-a-budget stuff. I, of course, am DEAD-SET on preparing fantastic meals with rich meldings of savory flavor and, um, angel wings or whatever. I should probably not panic about this because it’s not like we won’t be able to buy more stuff when the company gets here, but then I think OH MY GOD, HOW WILL I FEED THEM? Which is not — I repeat not — a legitimate worry in any way (I mean, we are not destitute), but damnit, I remember when the food I bought today would have only been maybe a hundred bucks and today it was TWO HUNDRED.

Hi. How are you?

I am also irrationally panicked about gas prices because HOLY HELL. Gas is over four dollars a gallon here, and our ancient Chevy Tracker is currently getting something like eleven miles to the gallon. Did I mention that I have company coming in next week? Because I do and OH MY GOD, HOW WILL I TAKE THEM OUT? Also, Michael has to get to work, Connor has to get to playdates and the park and the pool, and I have to… well, look for a job. Again. FOUR DOLLARS PER GALLON, people. I know it’s probably worse in other places, but I keep thinking about when gas was 88 CENTS per gallon, and I just want to cry a little. There was some ad on the radio today for a contest in which first prize was a $100 gas card, and I could not keep myself from snarking on it a little. “Oooh, enter to win A TANK OF GAS. No, wait, maybe A TANK AND A HALF OF GAS. What a MARVELOUS prize! So EXOTIC. So USEFUL. We should go enter, because A TANK OF GAS is worth its weight in gold!” And then, of course, I realized that a tank of gas probably is worth its weight in gold.

Hi. How are you?

Anyway, the lunchmeat I bought today offers me the chance to win $50,000! Now that’s a prize I can get behind! Desperate times, right? In case you’re wondering, I would buy a house. If it was a cheap house, I would also tune up the damn car. (ELEVEN MILES TO THE GALLON.) What would you do?

(As an addendum, you should go check out I have already solved the oil crisis, the housing crisis, the education crisis, and the food crisis! Happy spending.)


8 Responses to It’s not you.

  1. sortascruffy says:

    it’ll be all right, Angelica. xo.

  2. Alicia says:


    I am… kind of freaking out. And kind of on the verge of killing both Jesse and Mike although, when I think about it, I don’t really want Jesse dead. But yes, we will be having company this weekend. We will have his mother who, yes I love her dearly, makes me all twitchy and type-A and panicky. And she and his aunt and uncle will be over for dinner and I want to cook something fabulous and impressive but we don’t have matching dishes or flatware and I have no idea what to do and I’m not getting any help with ideas. And gas is over $4/gallon here as well and I don’t want to go to the Strip and I really need a weekend to relax (because this weekend was cleaning Mike’s bathroom that smelled like a place where rancid urine crawled to die) and I’m not going to get one. And Jesse wants me to take monday off so he can spend more time with her in the morning and I’ll drive her to the airport in the afternoon because he doesn’t want to drive my car to the airport. And for some reason our HR website doesn’t have any of the PTO days I’m pretty sure I have up and now I’m freaking out about whether I misunderstood something and if I’m going to be yelled at for asking my HR rep and what am I going to do if I don’t have any days at all. And is Jesse going to be mad and why is my life so stupid?

    But mostly I’m pissed at Mike. Because of the bathroom. And his stupid, awful excuses. And even though I like him as a person, I (and Jesse) wish that he hadn’t come with us. And if he gets this next weekend off, I’ll have to spend all weekend with him and their mother and I am going to want to crawl into a corner and die.

    But yeah. I do not think it has anything to do with you. The CPA may still get back to you and you may find out that she is incredibly spacey (or it may be like the guy who called me to interview me about a personal assistant job, set nearly everything up and disappeared).

  3. Alicia says:

    And I just wrote a novel. But I don’t think it’s you and I do think you’ll get something soon and I’m really sorry it doesn’t seem like it worked out right now.

    And I am totally thinking of you and wishing we could hang out.

  4. Marina says:

    Lucky you. Gas (diesel, specifically) here is equivalent to $11.61 per gallon. Though we do have an ultra-effecient car that does about 50 miles to the gallon, so there is that.

    We’re all DOOMED to hell.

    Sorry to add to your paranoia and panic, but I’m feeling exactly the same way about gas and food prices right now.

  5. Marina says:

    Also, I cannot spell. Hopefully the baby took all the intelligence and it didn’t just seep into nothingness.

  6. sarawr says:

    Marina, I love that theory. For the past three years I have been leaving typos scattered in my wake like shark chum, and now I have an explanation. It’s not my fault! Connor took the words! Excellent.

  7. scruffyish says:

    Hey, be fair, he gives them right back!

  8. Anne says:

    I second Scruffy. It WILL be all right. You believing that will help make it so.. corny as that sounds. I can’t promise anything on gas prices though. This world is going to have to learn to live without so many cars and do something in many areas about good public transport options.

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