I know, I know, my updating schedule is all wonky, but you know what I have? I have REASONS, which are under no circumstances to be confused with EXCUSES. Here they are in list format, because I am rushing to finish this update before Connor wakes up:
1) I have not slept! In a long time! And now I am kind of manic and groggy at the same time! I spent ten minutes yesterday sounding out the word “there.” This situation is becoming pretty hopeless.
2) My scalp is terribly itchy for no apparent reason. I just… woke up this morning (VERY EARLY this morning, almost directly after falling asleep VERY LATE) with a terrifically itchy head. I do not have any flakes, redness, sores, bugs (!!!!), or outward signifiers of itchiness. I have not switched shampoos, shared a hairbrush, or rolled ecstatically over an ant hill. I AM GOING MAD.
3) My marriage is kind of a war zone right now, what with Michael’s refusal to get out of bed before noon, remember important things, or spend any time at all away from his computer games. I missed a job interview because he would not leave the bed, nay, would not even open his eyes. I am not going to go into painful details here, but let me just say that this household has been happier. Much happier. I especially liked it when he told me he didn’t want me to get a job because he doesn’t want me to form a social life! And I really enjoyed shooting him dead shortly thereafter! (NB: I am kidding. I only stabbed him a little. We don’t believe in guns in this house!)
4) We have been out of cigarettes for almost three days. This may or may not have been a factor in the stabbing incident mentioned above. The conversation goes like this: “Hey, can you pick up some cigarettes PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF TINY BABY MONKEYS PLEASE I WILL DO ANYTHING PLEEEAAASSE?” “No, I’m in the middle of my game.” Then there is weeping, and rending of the garments, and stabbing.
5) We are also out of caffeine. I will let you imagine that conversation all on your own!
Essentially, the situation over here is pretty dire and I don’t trust myself to update in a fair, impartial, or coherent manner. I am trying to figure out how to get myself around for job searching and/or working on my own, but I am at an impasse since I don’t have a car, do have a toddler, don’t have a babysitter, and do have A VERY STUBBORN HUSBAND. I will be back when I have located and abused several different chemicals in an effort to make this situation make sense.
(Kidding about the stabbing, guys! Mostly kidding!)