Don’t forget to brush!


I thought I’d have a big story to tell today, since Connor went to the dentist for the first time, but I don’t. Everything went fine. It took about 20 minutes. He didn’t cry, wriggle, kick, or clamp his mouth shut. He got a new toothbrush. The end.

Oh, unless you want to hear about the quasi-rude hygienist who scaled his teeth. We took him in because we’d noticed some tartar buildup on his bottom front teeth and wanted to get it under control and introduce Connor to the idea of regular dental cleanings. The hygienist who cleaned and polished his teeth was lovely, charming, and friendly. She made a point of showing Connor all the instruments and how they worked and she was very gentle with his tiny gumline and tongue. The second hygienist, though, was… well, she wasn’t full-on bitchy, but she didn’t miss it by much. She pried Connor’s jaws open, took a glance, then whipped her head around to pin me with accusing eyes.

“That’s from not brushing his teeth. Good Lord.”

What? Sheesh, lady, it’s a little tartar along the gumline; it’s not like his teeth are rotting out. “Actually, we brush his teeth twice a day. We’ve been doing that since –”

“Look, do you see that? It’s tartar. That’s calcified plaque — I mean, that’s just stuck-on FOOD all over his teeth there.”

So which is it, you quibbly ho? “Well, we brush his teeth twice a day. I’m wondering if the problem is his toothbrush, or — now that I think about it, my mom’s had tartar problems her whole life. Could it be gen –”

“Not this young. No way. Uh-uh. Nope, this is just from not brushing his teeth. Now, he may fight you a little, but you still need to do it every day. Look, I’ll show you what a toothbrush does.”

WHAT? I already told you that we brush his teeth every day. I KNOW what a toothbrush does! And since when do genetic problems not occur “this young?” WHAT THE FUCK, lady? Why are you treating me like some teen mom who dropped out of highschool to bottle-feed chocolate milk to her unwashed babies? “No, that’s okay. I’m pretty clear on the… toothbrush concept. Thanks.”

“If you’re sure about that. Just really make sure to brush his teeth. I can’t make that sound important enough; you need to be doing it regularly.”

Gah! Aside from that, though, the visit was lovely. Connor’s teeth are like little lens reflectors, flashing and gleaming every time he opens his mouth. He got a new toothbrush, too, so I just need to start making myself use it. It’s important, you know.

(As an aside, I just got my new Tae-Bo DVDs in the mail, and I am desperately trying to find something — anything — else to do. Billy Blanks’s smiling face both mocks me and makes me tremble a little. Send help.)

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11 Responses to Don’t forget to brush!

  1. lethal says:

    I’ve been to the dentist three times–once was to the clinic to get a baby tooth pulled after it was loose/stuck in my mouth for five years & once was for my DOD dental exam in which they determined via panoramic x-ray that I do not have wisdom teeth lurking beneath my gums. I brush every day and I don’t have cavities, but that’s probably all that I can say. I should probably floss more often than once a week. Back in the day when you had to hold the floss in both hands, I simply could not figure it out. Am I supposed to put my whole hand in my mouth to make the floss work? WTF! Now, however, they have those little disposable flossers ($3 for a bag of them), which makes the whole thing much easier and convenient. Yes, I am contributing more plastic to the environment, but archaeologists 1 million years from now (supposing earth still exists and humans on it) will come across them and be like, “I wonder what kind of magic wand of love this little thing is?”

  2. lethal says:

    Clarification: I actually WAS capable of flossing, but it was annoying.

  3. lethal says:

    I wish we could edit comments. That would solve many of my life’s problems (well, actually, just one: the inability to append comments and therefore the requirement that I make a new one).

    Anyway, INTERVENTION TIME.

    Seeing as how we, collectively, are grammar mongers, although you, perhaps, have a more vocal reputation as such*, I thought I would point you to some english language blogs that I read.

    Typo Hunt Across America – The Typo Eradication Advancement League (TEAL) hits the road.

    Literally, A Web Log – An English language grammar blog tracking abuse of the word “literally”

    The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks – misinterpreting bad punctuation since 2005

    Also, my totally awesome “friend” ** Gordon has a totally awesome blog about cheese (he’s the cheese buyer at the best grocery store in SF). He’s a great storyteller, the opposite of a snob***, and all-around cheese superstar. Also, there’s a hot picture of him petting a goat — gordonzola.net The whole cheese department is pretty awesome, but they don’t all have websites to demonstrate their awesomeness to the world.

    * I decided that fitting in to some degree was more important than speaking properly at all times; a friend of mine, otoh, dumped one of her friends because of said friend’s inability to spell correctly!
    ** I have infiltrated his circle of friends and he invites me to his parties, but we are more LJ friends as opposed to Sharing-Personal-Stories-Over-Beer friends
    *** In his interview, he’s all, “Eat the rind if you want to eat the rind and broken pieces of marble you can get cheap at home depot are awesome for serving cheese!”

  4. lethal says:

    Also, are you ever going to migrate your blog? Let’s find some WP templates to hack together! I am supposed to be writing an extensive annotated bibliography on HD!! I am still unable to think straight, so I am looking for things to fill the empty places.

    Seriously: comment editing would be AWESOME.

  5. sarawr says:

    I am going to migrate my blog, but I am WOEFULLY UNDERTEMPLATED. I have something up over there already, but it’s just a WP template that I downloaded for kicks. When Shae put WP on bitterdiatribe for me I was all, “WOOOOOOOT LOOKIT ALL THEM THERE DEE-ZINES,” but they are all… kind of the same. And not very subtle. And not very original. And not very me. Sadly, I have no idea how to fix this, as my CSS skillz reached their zenith in like 2004. (Said zenith was “being able to write basic CSS,” as opposed to “capable of jazzing up links, providing page-over windows, and knowing which colors pair well.”) If you have some sort of messenger thing I would be totally down for playing with CSS and/or taking instruction, as a service to you (i.e., filling empty places.)

    Also, let’s hear it for grammar blogs! I don’t so much care about spoken grammar, but if you’re going to write publically I feel it is necessary to know how to spell and punctuate. Alas, the rest of the Internet is blissfully unfettered by such standards.

  6. lethal says:

    CSS IS MY GODDESS. Like, seriously, how did we survive writing the internet before CSS?

    My advice is: find a template that has the general layout you like, then we’ll hack it for colors, images, links, and everything else. We can chat thru gmail if you want.

  7. lethal says:

    Dude, stand by. I meant to send you links. Check email in 2 mins pls.

  8. dedanna says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONNOR!!!

    3 whole years old today!!!

    I hope you and your mommy are having a super, wonderful, fun day!!!

    Love, Nana

  9. Anne says:

    I thought tartar/calculus was just hardened plaque, and only exists if you don’t brush the plaque off? So I was thinking, genetic? how? then Google helped me out with a ubb comment:
    “It’s an established fact in human beings that genetic factors play into how rapidly tartar builds up on the teeth (different salivary chemistries, pH, etc. that create either more or less friendly “environments” for the buildup as well as the gingivitis that follows). ”

    Google is my friend.

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