The job search continues apace, but I have decided to kind of ignore the potential results until they become actual results. I spent most of yesterday alternately agonizing over daycare and sleep issues, fantasizing about real checks made out to me, and reading celebrity websites. (What? It’s a viable option for strategizing major life changes. Shut up.) I also painted my toenails and fingernails this strange shade that looks awesome in the bottle but always ends up kind of boring and close to beige when I put it on. I don’t know why I don’t remember these little details sooner.
Today the worry and the celebrities and the beautifying are not worth the effort, though. I spent the first of last night tossing in feverish discomfort (damn this lingering cold/flu/allergy thing) and the rest of last night soothing a frightened toddler. It was awesome! I’m so glad the first thunderstorm of the year made its appearance at three in the morning! I’m also glad, without any sarcasm, that Connor sleeps in a big boy bed now, because I really don’t think the two of us would fit into a toddler bed.
That’s what he wanted all night long — I’d fall asleep, he’d call, “Mommy, Mommy!” I’d get up and tuck him in, reassure him, locate necessary stuffed animals, turn to leave… and he’d go all quivery and say, “Will you lay down with me?” I am a sucker before dawn, folks. Of course I climbed into bed to lay down with him, and of course he drifted off peacefully, and of course I started to get a little drowsy, and of course then he kicked me in the chest. Lather, rinse, repeat, with occasional breaks wherein I would tiptoe back to my own bed, only to be yanked upright by thunder and a toddler’s cry.
And see, look! We’re back to worrying about work again, because I feel like toasted, melty ass this morning, and can you imagine if I’d had to go to work instead of lolling about the house in my workout clothes? Ha ha! It is to laugh! I know I said I wasn’t going to use my tired brain to obsess over this stuff today, but the more I think about it the more terrifying it sounds. Theoretically, if I work Michael will be getting up for midnight emergencies, but he will sleep through anything including sex (on occasion), so in practice I will be getting up. Or staying up, on nights when I can’t sleep. Basically, in this house there is a finite amount of sleep to be had, and it seems to be all used up on the cats, Connor, and Michael. I am
probably catastrophizing a little, but it’s hard to be a morning person when you last hit the sheets 48 hours ago.
Enough. Enough! I will find something else to write about, like… um… cheese, or the unsettling way I forgot to buy cigarettes and ice last payday and now we are out of both for the next week, or the fact that I have not gotten any presents by mail in days. I suppose I could also toss this one to the comments section and bow out gracefully: What does your brain have on repeat these days?