Item 1: Somebody found my site while searching for “hulahoop speculum.” Welcome, o traumatiz’d one — may you find what you need.
Item 2: Connor has a developmental evaluation tomorrow, something we scheduled on a whim. We thought, Hey, maybe they’ll see what a genius he is and help us jump the preschool waiting lists! As the time draws nigh, however, I can’t help but think things like, Oh, God, what if he’s NOT a genius? and, What if there is some terrible problem I never even noticed because I’m a shit-tastic mother? and, For the love of baby howler monkeys, WHY ISN’T HE POTTY-TRAINED YET? I have been scrubbing all available surfaces in a frenzy of righteous motherhood; they can’t take him away to be raised by more worthy people if the countertops actually gleam, right?
Item 3: It motherfucking snowed today. Not a little sprinkling of granulated-sugar flakes, either — this was full-on fluffy flakage with actual accumulation (and alliteration). I think my desert has had its identity stolen; if Minnesota is suddenly 75 degrees and dry, I’ll know for sure. Bah.
ETA aka Item 4: Jeez, guys, plz to be not takin me so litahrully. By “genius,” I just mean very smart kid who talks up a storm and can do things some other kids I know can’t. I didn’t mean he is or might be Einstein.
sarawr.wordpress.com 
I cannot express how badly YOU DON’T WANT your child to be a genius. Please trust me. Smart, cool. Gifted… ok, assuming your school’s “gifted” program isn’t some farcical busywork distraction. Genius, no. No no no.
Oh, God, what if he’s NOT a genius? and, What if there is some terrible problem I never even noticed because I’m a shit-tastic mother?
You know, darling, you’re addicted to what-ifs. And 99% of the time they are, to use one of your favorite words, pointless.
I doubt very much that Connor is a genius. He is, however, a wicked smart terrific kid, much of which can be traced to the fabulous amount of effort you have put into being a good mommy. And I’m sorry if you don’t know that, because a lot of other people do.
By “genius,” I just mean very smart kid who talks up a storm and can do things some other kids I know can’t.
in which case who could EVER say he is NOT that? you’re home free.
I am mostly worried about the potty-training thing — I know damn well that it’s going to garner me a raised brow and a barrage of questions like, “Well, did you try letting him pick out his own potty? And do you have him sit on it fully clothed throughout the day to get acquainted with it? Do you make sure to ask him if he needs to go peepee several times a day?” etc., as if I am some kind of idiot who was formed in a petri dish and blurted out fully grown to toilet-train a child with nothing but common sense and fervent prayer. Which, okay, that last part might be true but I was TOTALLY not formed in a petri dish.
This reply… kind of got away from me. Hello formerly free-floating anxiety! It’s so nice that you’ve found an anchor!