Item 1: Somebody found my site while searching for “hulahoop speculum.” Welcome, o traumatiz’d one — may you find what you need.
Item 2: Connor has a developmental evaluation tomorrow, something we scheduled on a whim. We thought, Hey, maybe they’ll see what a genius he is and help us jump the preschool waiting lists! As the time draws nigh, however, I can’t help but think things like, Oh, God, what if he’s NOT a genius? and, What if there is some terrible problem I never even noticed because I’m a shit-tastic mother? and, For the love of baby howler monkeys, WHY ISN’T HE POTTY-TRAINED YET? I have been scrubbing all available surfaces in a frenzy of righteous motherhood; they can’t take him away to be raised by more worthy people if the countertops actually gleam, right?
Item 3: It motherfucking snowed today. Not a little sprinkling of granulated-sugar flakes, either — this was full-on fluffy flakage with actual accumulation (and alliteration). I think my desert has had its identity stolen; if Minnesota is suddenly 75 degrees and dry, I’ll know for sure. Bah.
ETA aka Item 4: Jeez, guys, plz to be not takin me so litahrully. By “genius,” I just mean very smart kid who talks up a storm and can do things some other kids I know can’t. I didn’t mean he is or might be Einstein.