Official notice.

Dear IRS,

Please to be giving me my money back now. Now. No, the other “now,” the one that is this precise moment. That “now.” At this time, I would like to call your attention to the fact that MAH MUNNY. YOU HAZ IT. You has it, indeed, and I need it now. Nooooowww. Look, I said please — what do you people (and I use the term loosely) want from me?

Desperate in New Mexico


Dear CreditOne Bank,

Perhaps you’d like to check for my payment again, because you seem to be under the impression that it has not been sent. Do you, by chance, assume that those forty dollars are not for you? Have you been hurt before, led astray by payments that were sadly inadequate? I don’t want to live this way, CreditOne. I want us to trust each other. Look, we can work this out, it’ll just take a little compromise: you send a receipt for that payment through to the bank, and I promise to use you only for good. Don’t cry, baby. We’ll get through this.

Trust issues,


Dear Portales Rental Market,

I like my houses the way I like my women: cheap, roomy, warm, and open. Call me.


4 Responses to Official notice.

  1. xo says:

    That’s kind of an awesome description of how you like your women.

  2. xo says:

    Also, can I share the joy of $3,000 software (when my only income is design-based) for the incredibly low price of $24.99? Dear god, I have been hyperventilating in ecstasy for like 6 hours since I got it fully installed. HYPERVENTILATING!! IN ECSTASY!!!

  3. xo says:

    I really want to share this with you multiple times. Unfortunately, I don’t have sufficient RAM to run them simultaneously and rub myself up against my laptop screen. Alas.

  4. sarawr says:

    What’s the software? I’m still trying to find an affordable version of PSP, dude — I suck at locating (well, and using) computer shiz.

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