Michael: I think I’ll get Connor ready for bed.
Me: Okay. Fair warning, I think he pooped.
Michael: I know. That’s why I have this diaper ready.
Me: [lifts Connor, sniffs his butt]
Michael: [horrified stare]
Me: Um, what?
Michael: I told you I knew his diaper was dirty. You didn’t have to… do that.
Me: Oh. Oh, crap. It’s just HABIT NOW. This is what you’ve BROUGHT ME TO.
Michael: You were just like, “[Mimics Connor-lifting, deep whiffing.] Ahhhh, toddler poo!”
Me: I don’t even know who I am anymore.