Sometimes it’s like this.


I’ve been trying to change up my diet lately; now that I’m home and desk-bound all day long, I need to ratchet up my eating habits lest I become the One-Ton Editrix (… Of Doom). Although I generally scoff at the Atkins diet hard enough to be heard three counties away, and reserve a two-county scoff for the South Beach diet, I have come to the conclusion that I need to jettison some carbs from my life. I’m not sure what tipped me off — the carousel ride that is my blood sugar? The mean reds I get late every afternoon as all the food I have consumed that day evaporates from my body, leaving me ravenous and snarling? Perhaps the extra ten twenty pounds I’m carrying in my torso? Hmmm, one of those.

Also, the fact that a typical day goes like this: breakfast bagel, lunch pasta, snack crackers (cheese optional), ravening maw only slightly appeased by oven fries upended directly from searing-hot cookie sheet into mouth, dinner sandwich-and-tears. Followed by a pound of sugar, simmered gently in a tablespoon for maximum injectability.

The picture is slightly better than that — I mean, pasta has pasta sauce, which has tomatoes! And that bagel is slathered in cream cheese, which has… um… protein? Maybe some vitamins? I still feel like crap, though, and I know the workaround for that is to jettison most of those carbs. I was pondering this before yesterday’s grocery-shopping trip, thinking, But what could I possibly replace them with? Raw leafy greens, certainly, and also some more colorful flora. Tomatoes. Bell peppers. Avocados.

BUT WHAT ELSE?

It was at this point that I had my epiphany. Why, my husband works in a meat market! Perhaps he might have some helpful suggestions! “Honey,” I asked, “what’s good at the store right now? I think we need more meat.”

My husband, woefully deprived lover of all things beefy, looked at me with adoring eyes as he crossed the room to give me a smooch of epic proportions. “I have been waiting years for you to ask that question,” he said gleefully. I never knew that keeping our relationship harmonious would be so easy.

All of this is my long-winded way of saying: we had steak and salad tonight, and friends, I feel marvelous. Perhaps I shall create my own version of dooce’s “tasty, tasty murder” shirt. (Do you know how amusing it is to type “tasty, tasty murder” into a search field? VERY AMUSING.)

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6 Responses to Sometimes it’s like this.

  1. Mer says:

    Hee. Meat. All the best food has a face.

    Also, I’ve been reading back through your blog (being your newest subscriber and all), and I see that you’re having… issues? With the websites? And the wordpress? Can I help?

  2. sarawr says:

    Oh, if you could help, I would praise you even more. (NB: … If that’s humanly possible. I am unsure.)

    I am having layout issues. And “'” issues. And stupidity issues (“Okay, so I install this at bitterdiatribe.com how?”). And, possibly, death-wish issues. The last time I had a non-LiveJournal site was, like, 2000; this Web 2.0, rolling-column-of-text, WordPress-makes-it-easy style of coding COMPLETELY ELUDES me. I am not at all above shamelessly begging for your help, desperately grabbing on to your lighthearted offer and twisting it into a plea for salvation.

    (Or just saying “yes.” Sheesh. This whole thing is stressing me out JUST A LITTLE. Sorry it spilled all over you!)

  3. […] sarawr wrote an interesting post today on Sometimes itâs like this.Here’s a quick excerptAlthough I generally scoff at the Atkins diet hard enough to be heard three counties away, and reserve only a slightly more moderate scoff for the South Beach diet, I have come to the conclusion that I need to jettison some carbs from … […]

  4. Mer says:

    Ok, so, obviously, i’m a mo-rawn because I didn’t check back for an answer.

    Ok, happy to help. I just read your hatefulness towards Gmail, so mebbe that won’t work right now, but if you can email me, do. I’m on AIM now and then, mistress meredith. lets figure out how to talk.

  5. Mer says:

    Also, I just looked up your site, and the host you use will make this so easy you will CRY.

  6. sarawr says:

    I just tried to add you to AIM, but apparently I am a mo-rawn, because you’re not showing anywhere on my list. What. Ever. AOL.

    Also, the host I use (Dreamhost) apparently does make WP installs easy, except that I don’t have access to the Dreamhost control panel — the lovely gal who gave me the domain has that access, and she’s been really, really busy lately. She has offered to install WP for me when she has the time, though, so until then I mostly need to figure out what the hell that ' thing is about and, um, code an entirely new layout for this fucking thing. If you see me online give me a shout, because I am clearly too stupid to use AIM autonomously. :P

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