People. Guess what? If you have made plans with me and I have not alerted you to any changes? You do not ACTUALLY NEED to contact me 84000 times before we enact said plans. Really. No shit. If I say, “Come over at 8:30 and we’ll hang out!” and you say, “Okay, see you then,” THAT IS IT. YOU DO NOT NEED TO CALL ME AT 7:00 AND ALSO 7:30 TO SEE IF WE’RE “STILL ON.” (Because if you do that I will, in fact, be off. Because you have turned me off. Suck it.)
You also do not need to call me at 8:00 to see if I’m “ready” for you, because WTF? Since when have I become incapable of a) remembering appointments made that very same morning, or b) calling to let you know if something comes up? You don’t need to “get in touch” with me “before you come.” No. No, you don’t. See, you ALREADY got in touch with me before you came, WHEN WE MADE OUR FREAKING PLANS. WHICH, MIGHT I ADD, IS THE POINT OF MAKING PLANS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

In sum: if we make plans, and then you call me repeatedly RIGHT BEFORE said plans to obsessively check whether I am ready (which, no, am not ready, hanging out in my living room is deep scary commitment, HOLY HELL) — and if you then DON’T SHOW UP because you called me AGAIN and I ignored my phone because JESUS CHRIST I AM TRYING TO SHOWER so now you think our plans are off even though I have so far told you FOUR SEPARATE TIMES that YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD OUR PLANS ARE SET IN STONE — and you call me YET FUCKING AGAIN after I have been sitting here waiting for you for over an hour? I will snark at you as passive-aggressively as humanly possible, call you a moron, and then complain at teeth-gritted, caps-locked length on the Internet. (Again I say, suck it.)

(Also, why does EVERYONE do this to me? Why? Do I give off “huge flake” vibes?)


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