Unfinished, v.1.

Hi, Internet! I have been neglecting you!
I’ve spent the past week alternately lying in bed with some sort of mild throat pain/killer fatigue/vaguely achey joints thing and sitting at my desk with the aforementioned yucky thing, reading through the archives of almost every single “mommy blog” I could find. (Gak. Yick. I hate that term.) I don’t know why I decided that this would be a soothing activity, or why I decided to try to find a soothing activity instead of just staying in bed to get rid of the killer fatigue, but whatever. My brain, she is mysterious.

Y’all, I don’t know why I whine so much. Boohoo, I am poor! Wah wah wah, my child won’t let me work for several straight hours! Sniff sniff, my kid goes to visit his grandparents sometimes! Poor fucking me!

Oh, my lord. The entire Internet has it worse than I do, handles it about fifty times better, and still has time for remodelling its house while working 40-hour weeks. My son doesn’t have a developmental disorder, or cumbersome physical issues, or a father who wants to steal him. My husband loves me, caters to my every need, did not leave me stranded with the baby all on my own, and spends his one morning off every week watching cartoons and eating breakfast with Connor and me. My apartment is safe, has the appropriate number of bedrooms, and is filled with functional appliances. If something gets broken, the landlord fixes it. If I get tired, Michael packs me off for a nap. If my son needs something, he asks me for it using complete sentences and readily understandable words.

Yeesh, I don’t even know where I’m going with this, really, except that a lot of women whose lives I obsessively follow do not have it so good. Not at all. There are children with heartwrenching speech delays, there are fathers who refuse to step up to the plate, there are deaths in close-knit families. There are ragingly difficult combinations of full-time work plus new parenting plus home repairs plus keeping a tidy home and going to school while showering regularly and staying awake all day, every day. I am overwhelmed just reading about this stuff.

(Ahem.  What you have just witnessed is a half-finished LiveJournal entry that was saved as a private entry for future polishing, then foolishly ported over to WordPress.  No, I’m probably not going to finish it.  You’re welcome.)


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