a new theme.

I have a hard time following through on stuff here — mainly crises, and mainly because once I'm through them I kind of feel like an ass for whining all over the Internet. It's been brought to my attention, though, that y'all still mostly think I'm hovering on the brink of eviction and cancer and being kicked out of school, and none of that's true. Things are okay.

My brother and I came up with a solution to the money problem, and my mother's helping us implement it. It sort of puts us in more debt, but it's debt that can be paid in February after tax refunds are in. The landlord, while not thrilled, agreed to our solution, which involved paying all the back rent but then only paying him $200/month through the holidays. We just can't afford more than that right now. I have a couple of freelance jobs on the table for after I get a computer, but until then I am bringing in $0 per month. There simply are not jobs in my area right now; the holidays, and panic over the new military base, and the smoking ban… I don't know. There are a lot of houses up for sale and a lot of boarded-up business buildings.

So. My mom is sending me a computer for Christmas, and she's sending it early so that I can get cracking on some freelance stuff. I'm hoping for more luck with this than I've had over the past couple of years. There was a time when I supported myself perfectly well with plum editing or design gigs that just sort of fell on me, but now I've got to look and apply and beg and coax and drastically upgrade my design skills… but I think I'll be okay. I think we'll get through until tax time, at which point we will pay up ten months' worth of rent and just be flush for a year. I am so damn tired of being in this situation.

And next year, we're taking our tax money plus some savings from this year, and we're getting the hell out of Dodge. Enough is enough.


And now for my uterine saga: It was not cancer. It was not even fibroids. It was a bunch of dead cells that accumulated due to some scar tissue and a very minor hormonal imbalance that can be corrected with plain old birth control. The mass needed to be removed, but I'm not at great risk of developing another. Having another kid should be okay as long as my doctors are aware that I could develop another of these things and that I'll need to be monitored.

I feel pretty stupid for all the catastrophizing and getting drunk I did over this, really. The doctors here made it sound much more dire (and possibly cancerous) than it actually was. On the other hand, all they had to go off of was a couple of ultrasounds and, strangely, an X-ray, so how were they to know the dark blob wasn't a tumor? I wish now that I'd had someone do a D&C here in Portales before I got shunted off to Albuquerque, but it was probably better to stick with the experts.


We still don't know how we're going to pay for our classes, but we've decided that is an issue for after the holidays. It's likely that we'll ask CCC to let us set up a payment plan of so much per month for the next year, and it's likely that they'll let us do it. With rent worries removed for 2008, we should be able to manage small payments (say, $150) without breaking the bank. If not — eh, I'll stress about that after the holidays. Right now I need to be figuring out how we're going to buy Christmas presents for everyone and how I'm going to get the house clean and the turkey cooked by tomorrow morning. I shouldn't be here talking to you guys, but, well, here I am.


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