variations on a theme: AGH.


Does anybody want to send me a hard drive so that I can start uploading the pictures I'm taking with my sexy, sexy new camera? Anybody at all? I've hit a wall here, people — I replaced the power supply and the motherboard; all I need is a hard drive.

This is how Connor feels about the broken computer:

And there are many more pictures just as good, if not better! Or there will be, as soon as I get a damn hard drive. In the mean time, here are my cigarettes, snapped with my wonderful macro function. Oh, and here are some Goldfish, taken with the wonderful “cuisine” color-enhancing option. (Note: I do not want to hear about the ashtray. We don't smoke around Connor and we don't smoke in any way that would expose him to old smoke, either. Buzz off.) Um, and here's how the diet and exercise thing is going. You can't win them all, I guess.

In other news,
1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
Caress Moroccan… um, something. Moroccan Mystery? Moroccan Dream? I do not recall, but it is very Moroccan.

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
No, but I do have vine peaches.

3. Is there anything moldy in your refrigerator?
Probably. Actually, change that to definitely… and be afraid.

4. Are there any dirty dishes in your sink?
No! Without my computer, I am suddenly the queen of domesticity!

5. What would you change about your living room?
Everything. I'd make it bigger, take out the bizarre blue carpet, remove the fake wood panelling, install a higher ceiling, paint it pretty colors, and put in much larger windows.

6. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
I don't have a dishwasher.

7. Do you have a can of mushrooms in your pantry?
No. That's just fucking gross. Also, I don't have a pantry.

8. White or wheat bread?
Wheat.

9. What is on top of your refrigerator?
Everything, including Jimmy Hoffa and the Lindbergh baby.

10. What color is your sofa?
Varios shades of brown.

11. What color or design is on your shower curtain?
None. It's just clear.

12. How many plants are in your home?
One, an African violet.

13. How many candles are in your home?
Around 20? A few tea lights, a few pillars, some tapers. I don't know why I never burn them anymore.

14. Is your bed made right now?
No, nor has it ever been.

15. If you have a coffee pot, what color is it?
White.

16. Electric or standard can opener?
Standard.

17. Theme in your living room?
Mismatched secondhand things that could use a good deep cleaning. (And for those of you who care, I just misspelled “deep” three times, and I'm not even drunk. Thank you and goodnight.)

18. Colors in the bedroom?
White walls, outlandish confetti carpet, sage green-and-cream plaid sheets, one bright blue flowered quilt, one deep brown quilt.

19. Comet or Soft Scrub?
Ew.

20. Is your closet organized?
Hell to the no.

21. What color is the flashlight that you use the most?
Blue.

22. What kinds of things are in your junk drawer?
I don't really have a junk drawer. I do, however, have a junk closet. It has… uh… stuff. Like, old toys and I think some incense and two cat beds.

23. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Glass.

24. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
Not right now, but the answer is yes about four times a day.

25. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
No garage.

26. Curtains or blinds?
I prefer curtains, but always end up with blinds.

27. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One. Unless I win the battle that night, in which case I also have the body pillow.

28. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
Sometimes.

29. How many ceiling fans are in your home?
One.

30. How often do you vacuum?
Heh. Well. I haven't vacuumed in a month because my vacuum took a big crap all over the floor, but I vacuum every couple of days in normal circumstances.

31. Standard toothbrush or electric?
Standard.

32. What color is your toothbrush?
Blue ribber parts, green bigger rubber parts, white body.

33. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
No. I have a nasty mat on my front porch. It is not at all welcoming.

34. What is in your oven right now?
Chicken. Drumsticks, if you care.

35. Is your microwave clean or dirty?
I refuse to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself and/or violate executive privilege.

36. Is there anything under your bed?
No, my bed is on the floor.

37. Chore you hate doing the most?
Folding laundry.

38. What retro items are in your home?
I'm pretty sure most of my clothes qualify, and not in a hip way.

39. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
Don't I fucking wish.

40. If you have a yard, who mows it?
The landlord.

41. Is there anything on your kitchen floor right now?
Various bits of kitchenshit — I need to sweep. Oh, and the cat bowls.

42. How many mirrors are in your home?
Two: one in the bathroom, one in the bedroom.

43. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
Ha! Hahahaha.. ha.. ha? Ahem. I sure hope quarters count.

44. What color are your walls?
Most of them are white, but my living room has this absolutely stupid fake wood panelling on the walls.

45. Which rooms in your house have wallpaper?
None.

46. Do you have a peephole in your front door?
Heh. Okay, here's one for the record books. The person who rented this apartment before me was, I guess, extremely paranoid. She put foil over all the windows, including the one in the door. However, she thoughtfully tore a tiny hole in the door's foil, duct-taped a smaller piece of foil over it so that it could be lifted like a flap, et voila: white-trash peephole.

47. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
Some throwing stars. I know, I know, lame.

48. What does your home smell like right now?
Chicken!

49. Fave candle scent?
Mulberry or that fake “ocean” crap.

50. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
:( :( :( :(

51. Who are in the pictures you displayed?
What pictures I displayed? I have, in my time, displayed a lot of pictures.

52. What color is your favorite bible?
It's Jesus-colored. Also: huh?

53. Do you have plenty of cabinet space in your kitchen?
No.

54. Do you own a stereo?
No.

55. How many tvs do you have?
One.

56. How many house phones?
None. I have a cell.

57. Do you have a housekeeper?
I am beginning to see a suspicious trend in this line of questioning. Why don't you just come out and ask me if I'm an upper-class Christian with a large disposable income?

58. What style do you decorate in?
“Style”? “Decorate”? Your Earth logic does not resemble mine.

59. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
Yes.

60. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Yes.

61. In case of fire, what are the items you would grab if you only could make one quick trip?
My kid, my cats, the guinea pig.

62. Do you know how to work your electrical box?
I know how to flip the switches.

63. What temperature in your home is most comfortable to you?
Very cool, almost cold, with circulating air.

.

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