Local felines Pawsy Wawsy, Ruthie Kittygirl, and Tabbalah Tab Tabby were transported today to an undisclosed treatment center for sterilization and vaccination procedures. A fourth cat, White Kitty, catching wind of rumors that these procedures will involve scalpels and needles, declined sterilization procedures and has gone into hiding.
The remaining three precious babies were cruelly forced to travel in confinement, under close watch inside an unmarked white Chevrolet Tracker. Recent reports indicate that the vehicle's passenger, one Sara Krafft, allowed one of the cats to escape during a misguided attempt to finish a cigarette.
“I really didn't think the cats could fit through the window,” Krafft was heard to say. “I mean, it was only open by a bare inch.”
Ruthie Kittygirl, the frantic feline in question, apparently hooked her itty-bitty paws around the window's frame and pulled herself to freedom. Quick action by Michael Pino, the driver of the vehicle, saved the day.
“I just, like, pulled over and slowed down really fast, you know?” Pino says. “I mean, I didn't want [Ruthie] to break a leg or anything.”
Ms. Kittygirl sprinted onto a used-car lot, where she spent a hectic twenty minutes darting from one car to another in search of a secure hiding place. Ms. Krafft and Mr. Pino, alarmed at the possibility of kitty insurgency, gave hot and sweaty chase. They were joined in this chase by the car lot's owner. This publication was unable to obtain this man's name, possibly due to his links to the the cat's fascist owners.
Ms. Kittygirl was taken back into captivity at 1030 hours. The insubordinate feline sustained a minor scrape on her sweet kitty chin. She will be treated with Neosporin and released after the originally scheduled procedures.