i think i'm gonna boot (again).

Yesterday was an unpleasant day, wherein I was vomiting hard enough to see spots every couple hours, passing out in random locations, and spending much time in bed trying to sleep and moaning about the intense pain in my back (caused by the vomiting). I didn't feel so much stomach-buggy as brink-of-deathy, and as a result, Michael was left in charge of the kid and the house. This morning, I realized that this may have been a mistake.

I feel a bit better today, but I am still queasy and sore and exhausted. I am also verging on murderous now that I've faced the entirety of my house. Would you like a play-by-play of this morning's festivities? Of course you would.

I get up with Connor at 7:30 and am immediately confronted with a damp, moldy sort of smell. What is it? What could it be? There's nothing in this baby's room that could — oh. Somebody left the window open. Why, it seems to have rained quite hard last night! There is a massive, muddly puddle under the window! Excellent. I thitm>AE
@@(B0[PJHkP,k score), and then that every dish in the house is dirty (awful smell #3). I prop my dizzy ass against the sink and wash breakfast dishes, trying not to inhale air from score), and then that every dish in the house is dirty (awful smell #3). I prop my dizzy ass against the sink and wash breakfast dishes, trying not to inhale air from the trashcan region (awful smell #4). The floor is sticky. It is 7:45, and I want to cry.

I feed Connor what may possibly be the worst breakfast ever (Jell-O, because I'm having it and he desperately wants it; dry cereal, because we apparently ran out of milk yesterday and nobody replaced it; shredded mozzerella cheese, because I cannot locate the block of cheddar), get him & myself dressed, and go into the bathroom for face-washing and tooth-brushing.

Awful smell #5 almost kills me. It is cat pee, folks. It is overpowering, vicious, and nearly anthropomorphic. There are squiggly green lines radiating from my bathroom floor, and a demonic cackle assaults my ears. I don't even know how to combat this odor; it seems to require some scrubbing, but if I get that close to it I start retching. Febreze is pretty useless, and I can't bring myself to use vinegar to neutralize it. I retreat.

What the hell, guys? I was sick for one day. One. Do your homes get this messy in one day? How is this even possible? And why didn't Michael wash some dishes or neutralize odoriffic things as they occurred? The entire house feels sort of damp and wilty, and I cannot figure out why. My desk is completely trashed. We are out of five things that should have been replaced yesterday. I do not know how to deal with any of this (I am pretty worn-out and nauseated still), but the thought of sitting in this filth until Michael gets home is pretty disheartening. I had to reschedule Connor's developmental screening this morning because I didn't want his tester to be horrified by our home. (“Child's verbal and motor development seems quite advanced, but this tester suspects dead bodies hidden in fridge or behind couch.”)

Do any of you have some amazing tips for cleaning a really messy house in record time with minimal effort? I'll send you some cookies.


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