Your mama warned you there’d be days like these.*


Hello! It has been 69 hours since my last cigarette! Excuse my one-track mind, but I am going nuts!

Day one was easy. Day two was okay. Today has been hellish. I might even smoke a cigarette tonight while we barbecue, because look, I am only human. A cigarette every three days — or after dinner every night, even — is not that bad.

Right?

I’m kind of afraid that if I smoke one, I will go right back to smoking a pack or more a day, even though that is in no way logical. I think I have Chantix, AA, and Puritanism all mixed up in my head. Ugh! I caught myself sniffing at Michael furtively this evening, gathering the residue of his cigarette into my poor deprived brain like some sort of lunatic. (Yes, I have mandated that nobody smoke around me, which means Michael is sneaking cigarettes at the mailbox and I am ignoring it so I can sneak whiffs of stale smoke from his clothes. Quitting may turn out to be a filthier habit than smoking ever was.)

Anyway, that fear is the only thing that’s kept me from smoking today. Well, that fear and BubbleShooter, which I have played for something like 10 hours since 8:00 this morning. Also, I think I ate everything in the house, and can only be relieved that most of it was vegetables.

Help! Alternatively, reassure my week and feeble brain that it’s all right if I have a cigarette tonight, but only one. And say that last part really, really sternly.

* The Rembrandts

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4 Responses to Your mama warned you there’d be days like these.*

  1. Mer says:

    Nope. Now is not the time to have a cigarette. You can have one 6 weeks from when you quit.

    5 if you’re good.

  2. scrufflet says:

    Does this sound familiar? “Just give me one. I only want one… You’re a scruffy old bully.” (January 2004)

  3. sarawr says:

    UPDATE!

    I had 1.5 cigarettes in the span of about 5 hours while C, D, Michael, and I hung out and drank vodka. I am so far unmoved, though marginally more relaxed. I am also mostly okay with this level of consumption (i.e., 1-3 cigarettes every few days). So all is mostly well, though now I feel guilty. :P

  4. sarawr says:

    Also, 1.5 is an estimate, as what I had were occasional drags from other peoples’ cigarettes.

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